So since I've been back I've been reading Tom Brown, Jr., specifically, his book, Quest. He talks about keeping "wilderness mind" whilst living back in the city or suburbs. He says, and is he ever right on, that it is probably the hardest thing one can do.
It has been one week today that I walked out of the Utah wilderness and I am already twitching for more. I am hoping to get away upstate or down to the keys this coming week for a fix of wild. I still have a core of peacefulness from the wild and want to keep that ember burning. Those of you who love the wild and for whom it is soul food of the most primeval sort, you know just what I mean.
So you want to know more about the BOSS wilderness experience? Well, I've tried telling a few friends about it but I don't seem to be able to do it justice. It is a life changing experience but not in a huge, hit you over the head way. It's quieter than that. As Lori (one of my co-students) aptly put it, "First your body breaks down, then your mind breaks down, then your heart breaks open." Ok, that last bit about the heart is from me. But you get the idea.
I learned how to make fire with a bow and spindle, how to build a shelter with only what the land provides, how to rig a poncho and blanket shelter, how to find certain edible roots, berries, what leaves and plants are anti-bacterial or bacterial-static, what sort of wood burns long and hot and what burns too quickly to keep the fire going overnight. How to use a knife efficiently and without damaging oneself, how to kill, skin, butcher and use just about every part of a sheep, how to steam food in the ground, how to use a compass and a topographic map to navigate over miles and miles of rough territory, how to chew up plantain leaves to put on yellowjacket stings to make the swelling go down. (btw, in Utah they build their nests on the ground, generally on the blind side of a log you are stepping over. just sayin'.)
I didn't learn how to: climb down slickrock in the complete dark, or hike rocky terrain in the complete dark, for that matter...how to cross a creek on moss-covered rocks without falling in, how to love boulder-hopping or be any good at it, how to reconcile myself to my mates not waiting up for me when I'm slow on the climb. That just never got easier, though I did reconcile to being the slowest one of the group.
I learned that however much I came to love and respect my fellow students, I wasn't truly one of them and was still very much alone the entire time. And though I wished very much for it to be otherwise, I did not learn how to change that. Can you tell that going into the wild and staying with it will make one willing to look a few hard, home truths square in the eyes? well, it does, my lovelies. Ack. enough. just look at the pretty pictures. It does soothe the soul...
Morning in Stair Canyon.

The view from Point Trail up on the corner of Boulder Mountain...